Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Recap: Today Is Not Kyle’s Day
February 28, 2018
Sigh. Does no one understand Kyle Richards? It is so hard to be Kyle Richards. She is the most loyalist, kindest, most sincerest, genuinest, funnest, friendest friend on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills but no one appreciates her. Especially not Lisa Vanderpump, who quite literally could hand Kyle her heart on a silver platter and Kyle would insist Lisa was lying while actually giving her a dog turd. OK maaaaaaybe that’s a bit dramatic, because LVP can also be frigid and oblique, but last night she really did, in her own way, hand Kyle her heart. Let’s see what Kyle does with it!
The ladies are still in NYC and Kyle continues to terrorize with her meltdowns. These people already have Kanye West and his fashions – don’t do this to him! On the way to the Malaaaaan Bretaaaawn show where Camille Grammer‘s daughter Mason is playing model for the day, no one spoke in the car. NO ONE. Even Lisa Rinna‘s mindless chatter couldn’t open the floodgates of argument.
Kyle, Lisa, and Dorit Kemsley were stone-faced and silent. Oh, had you forgotten? The night before there was a sobbing argument because Kyle called Dorit out for talking mad-crap about LVP, but instead of LVP leaping in to also confront Dorit she said nothing. Naturally, in Kyle World, this means LVP doesn’t value her, their friendship, or the tireless efforts she has given to the cause. Also LVP cares about Dorit more, as evidenced by the fact that she offered take take a taxi back to the hotel with Dorit. I get it: Kyle finds out Dorit is trashing their friend (other than the times they trash-talked LVP together), in addition to throwing Kyle under the bus with Erika, thus also trash talking Kyle, so Kyle decides to take a stand. And, to boot, Dorit also shared some personal and not-so-flattering comments about Lisa. Yet when Kyle tried to inch ahead as the TRUE FRIEND by defending Lisa, LVP straddled the fence. Then while Kyle was squalling around NYC, showing her hurt off like a new Chanel bag, LVP ditched her for Dorit! The injustice – like buying a bag on eBay and winding up with a fake you didn’t know was fake til someone pointed it out.
In Kyle’s mind LVP was probably leaving with Dorit so they could backstab Kyle, then Dorit could spin the story to her favor to form an alliance – similar to how Dorit handled ‘late-gate,’ but perhaps LVP just wanted to confront Dorit privately?
So, as Lipsa will explain in Chapter 10, paragraph 18, footnote 623 of Rinnovation: “Threesomes don’t work” Not in bed, and certainly not in friendship – even if you’re aged 40, 50, maaaaaybe even 60, someone will feel that the love is not being equally spread (pssst: That person will always and eternally be Kyle).
Malan’s show, ironically, takes place on a naval ship, so it’s good to have that fortification just in case! Mason closes the show in a huge, beautifully painted ballgown. Camille’s reaction to her daughter’s accomplishment was so adorable. The ladies are all extremely supportive – especially LVP who praises Mason as “a perfect little lady,” thus dating herself about 100 years like a Victorian matron. Clearly modern feminism has not come to the Villa Rosa! Mason shoots Lisa a side-eye while politely saying thank you. Mason seems sweet, but something tells me she’s ‘A Camille’ underneath.
After the fashion show they return to the hotel in silence and Lipsa can’t take it. “Do I have to know what’s going on?” she asks the masses. “I have to know what’s going on.” So she puts on her fuzzy slippers and visits Kyle in her room while she’s getting trussed up for the evening’s Kyle By 22,000 Kaftans (and now faux fur kaftans too) trunk show. Oh dear god – please keep Kyle away from ALL the clothes.
Kyle explains it pretty much as I did above, so no need to rehash, but she adds that for as much as she gives in her friendship with LVP, it never feels reciprocated, and she just doesn’t understand. Lipsa agrees that they have a weird relationship and encourages Kyle to stay assertive. Finally, FINALLY Lipsa will not fight this fight alone! Kyle also brought back-up in the form of Bethenny Frankel, who loves nothing better than tearing a fellow-successful woman down! (Feminism hasn’t come to Bravo, period – I don’t care what Lala Kent and Erika Jayne, dumpster sex goddess who ought to open an outpost behind SUR, say.)
In fact, all the women have tales to tell while getting made-up. Erika is even having her arms and legs painted, and a hairpiece affixed to her head to create some sort of sex kitten of the trash heap vibe (Just f–ked Fraggle?). There is a reason for Erika’s constant hair changes: “You have to have depth,” she explains. So, Erika and Kim Zolciak, with their arsenal of ever-changing blonde wigs, have depth. Good to know.
The only person who goes to Kyle’s event with Kyle is Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave, because everyone else is avoiding being trapped in the car with Kyle to listen to more of her complaints. Plus they were all still getting ready. Well, everyone except Dorit, who got dressed as an 80’s S&M hooker in 5 seconds flat (we could tell!) with plenty of time to invite herself to LVP’s room to ‘talk’. Dorit denies that she said most of those horrible things about LVP, and then argued that Kyle had no right to complain about her behavior because she was complaining about LVP too!
LVP is not impressed and rebuttals that she’s basically friends with Dorit because she loves PK, a decades-long friend and part of a larger extended friend group, which she will not sacrifice for Dorit’s BS. Basically Dorit will not become Yolanda Foster 2.0. I’m proud of LVP for telling Dorit straight that it doesn’t matter WHAT Kyle was saying, because Dorit was complicit! Dorit, despite being offended that she’s LVP’s friend of convince, takes it as a sign that at least LVP loves her more than she loves Kyle, then makes Lisa promise that, from now on, if anyone is accusing her of something, LVP will ask her about it first. So she can deny it firsthand, of course!
Because of this talk everyone is so late Kyle actually frets that no one will show up. But finally Bethenny arrived. Now you know Bethenny came to this thing for one reason, and one reason only – and that reason wasn’t to wear flesh-colored pants so we’d all have a moment of ‘WAIT – did she forget her pants?!’ That reason was to have a go at LVP. LVP is ready for her.
Bethenny accuses LVP of treating Kyle’s friendship with a “thunk you’ – essentially a thank you but f–k you, I don’t really care, and suggests she chose Dorit’s fake British accent over Kyle’s feelings. LVP jokingly tells Bethenny to stay out of it as she explains how she loves Dorit and Kyle differently and for different reasons, which is OK. Kyle and Bethenny’s friendship harkens back to a time before they had plastic surgery, and what Bethenny did was subtly reinforce her seniority while also demonstrating, albeit covertly, what it looks like to defend one friend to another fiend. She did it well – with a teasing aplomb that was almost imperceptibly a snub. But Bethenny has her ways of being a friend, and LVP has her own. Like she bought an extremely expensive red faux fur coat to support Kyle’s store and laughed aside Bethenny’s comments.
Later, while Dorit is trying to get her grubby little hands on LVP’s red coat, Kyle sidles over for a chat. These two do a little dance of revisionist history where they both pretend they didn’t throw the other under the bus. Now that LVP has made it clear that both her friends are her friends to stay, they decide to let go of the she-said/she-said. This conversation actually seemed sincere, I mean for Real Housewives, and it’s nice to see a storyline PROGRESS, instead of dragging out episode after episode into no resolution. However, I think the reason is because these women are truly friends, and instead of wanting to fight they want to do the drama and be done. Although Dorit is one crafty MF-er and if I were Kyle I wouldn’t trust her!
Basically Kyle spends her entire party going around the room talking about one friend to another, because she also finds Lipsa to proclaim that she won’t be pushed around by LVP anymore – she’s demanding equality! Maybe feminism is slowly eking it’s way under the kaftan? Kyle’s awakening is a hallelujah moment for Lipsa.
Back in LA, Teddi comes to Villa Rosa for tea and looks very cute. LVP is trying to dismantle how NYC became such a disaster and Teddi thinks that perhaps LVP should just apologize to Kyle for hurting her feelings. “Don’t make this about Dorit. Make this about Kyle,” she explains. You know I like this Teddi. She is honest and no drama, and she also gets it. She understands that Kyle needs affirmations and Dorit needs to feel important to every circumstance. Teddi also points out that anyone who is friends with Dorit basically should expect to be talked about. This doesn’t make Dorit a bad person, necessarily, but she just loves to be in the center of it all and consequences be damned! After considering it, and gagging on Teddi’s suggestion like too-hot tea, LVP decides to meet Kyle for dinner. Let’s give this lady a cookie for learning to say “I’m sorry!”
Obviously they have to meet at one of LVP’s restaurants (thankfully not SUR), and over rosé in a WATER GLASS – gasp, don’t tell Dorit! – LVP apologizes. Simply and sincerely. Of course Kyle being Kyle she has to still rehash all the ways LVP hurt her and explain, again, why she needs MORE love from Lisa. But Lisa shone here. She explained that her friendship with Kyle goes back longer and deeper, and is like the good quality sex with someone you adore, whereas Dorit is a fling on a group vacation where you go along to get along. That is quite possibly the weirdest and worst (re: most disgusting) analogy I have ever made concerning a Real Housewives feud but I’m going along with it, just like LVP is going along with appeasing Kyle and Dorit.
As LVP points out SHE was the one whose friends trash-talked her, called her names, and impugned her character, so why is SHE doing all the apologizing?! Sometimes you have to be the bigger person, I guess. I do think Kyle is basically a good friend underneath all her insecurities, neediness, and jealousy. Dorit on the other hand…
Honestly the best part of the episode was hearing Erika tell Bethenny that she is writing a book about her “philosophy” and Bethenny’s attempt to keep a straight face. Ah, the Erika Jayne, philosophy. Could it be: Marry rich and become so bored you create an alter-ego who caterwauls around in sexbot costumes, attended to by an army of glam squad guys. Well, OK, I expect to be seeing this in Intro To Philosophy courses everywhere.
Camille’s Daughter Mason Makes NYFW Debut – Photos
TELL US – DID LVP DO THE RIGHT THING IN APOLOGIZING TO KYLE? SHOULD LVP TRUST DORIT?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]