Donald Trump has demanded a bigly, Bastille Day-like military parade in his honor
February 7, 2018Kim Jong-Bigly demands to be celebrated with a large military parade. Cadet Bone Spurs received five military service deferments in the Vietnam War era, but he still thinks he’s in charge of the military junta that runs the current banana republic called America. He takes pleasure in the kinds of things that a 4-year-old likes: giant trucks that go vroom-vroom, bigly tanks and sparkling medals, and schoolyard insults. So Cadet Bone Spurs has DEMANDED to be glorified by the United States military with a bigly parade in his honor.
President Trump’s vision of soldiers marching and tanks rolling down the boulevards of Washington is moving closer to reality in the Pentagon and White House, where officials say they have begun to plan a grand military parade later this year showcasing the might of America’s armed forces. Trump has long mused publicly and privately about wanting such a parade, but a Jan. 18 meeting between Trump and top generals in the Pentagon’s tank — a room reserved for top-secret discussions — marked a tipping point, according to two officials briefed on the planning.
Surrounded by the military’s highest-ranking officials, including Defense Secretary Jim Mattis and Joint Chiefs Chairman Gen. Joseph F. Dunford Jr., Trump’s seemingly abstract desire for a parade was suddenly heard as a presidential directive, the officials said.
“The marching orders were: I want a parade like the one in France,” said a military official who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the planning discussions are supposed to remain confidential. “This is being worked at the highest levels of the military.”
American shows of military strength don’t come cheap. The cost of shipping Abrams tanks and high-tech hardware to Washington could run in the millions, and military officials said it was unclear how they would pay for it.
A White House official familiar with the planning described the discussions as “brainstorming” and said nothing is settled. “Right now, there’s really no meat on the bones,” said the official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to describe internal discussions. Still, the official said Trump is determined to have a parade. “The president wants to do something that highlights the service and sacrifice of the military and have a unifying moment for the country,” the official said.
The inspiration for Trump’s push is last year’s Bastille Day celebration in Paris, which the president attended as a guest of French President Emmanuel Macron. Trump was awestruck by the tableau of uniformed French troops marching down Avenue des Champs-Elysees with military tanks, armored vehicles, gun trucks and carriers — complete with fighter jets flying over the Arc de Triomphe and painting the sky with streaks of blue, white and red smoke for the colors of the French flag. Aboard Air Force One en route home from Paris last July, aides said Trump told them he was dazzled by the French display and said he wanted one at home.
To be clear, Cadet Bone Spurs doesn’t want a bigly parade because he thinks it will help unify the country, or because he wants to honor the sacrifices of veterans and servicemen. He wants a bigly military parade because he thinks it will make HIM feel bigly. Because then he’ll get to brag about all of HIS tanks and HIS servicemen and how they’re all there for HIM, because they support HIM. He sees himself as Generalissimo Bigly, despot-general of the Russian Confederated States of America.
Photos courtesy of Getty.