Teen Mom: Young And Pregnant Recap: Pomp And Circumstance

For all the drama and interesting characters we have with Teen Mom: Young and Pregnant, it feels like this show is surprisingly stuck on the same issues and in the same place for the last few episodes. I’m here to see it through, but it seems like we are rehashing a lot of the same things over and over again.

Round 1

Kayla: Kayla only has help when her mom is home from work. This is because Stephan lost his ever-loving mind with her mom and doesn’t come around anymore. Kayla goes out to eat giant cookies with a friend and discusses custody issues and Stephan’s lack of stability. This is a classic TM segment.

Lexi: Lexi is lonely. She mentions her dad who lives 4 hours away. Her parents divorced when she was 5, and split when she was about 1.

Ashley: Ashley goes out to eat with her sister. Chris doesn’t have her grill in. She talks about Shen, probably foreshadowing an upcoming fight.

Brianna: Brianna is realizing Danae was toxic in their lives. She wants to tell Danae that he isn’t the dad anymore to baby Braeson. (So much for all that meaning behind his name.)

Jade: Jade kicked out Sean a week ago. She is upset about him hanging out with girls and because she went through his phone and thinks he was lying about work. Sean cries over how much he loves her. His friend wishes he hadn’t agreed to film.

Round 2

Kayla: It is one week post fight and Kayla is packing up Stephan’s stuff with a friend. They haven’t heard from him but somehow MTV tracks him down eating pizza. The pizza looked really good. Actually, so far it has stolen the show. Stephan and his friend talk and apparently there must have been a ‘bro’ quota, because every few words they throw in ‘bro’. That pizza though…

Ashley: Ashley and family are going to Vegas for the weekend. She is not exciting about seeing Shen, who is babysitting. As they arrive, Shen is all about the baby and doesn’t say hi to Ashley who takes offense. Bar winds up in the middle of the two of them yet again.

Lexi: Lexi’s dad is coming for her graduation. She doesn’t see or talk to him a lot. Her dad has the same monotone, calm speech pattern as she does. Now we know where it comes from.

Jade: Jade’s mom didn’t show up to babysit so she was late for a shift at work. She comes back from work wearing a green button with ‘Hospitaliano! Jade’ written on it. I’m sure someone with some detective capabilities can tell us where she actually works based on that button. She is annoyed, yet again, with her mother.

Ashley: Ashley is still pissed. Bar is still stuck in the middle of his baby momma and mother. Ashely makes reference to his mother emulating a female dog and they yell for awhile. Aren’t they in Las Vegas with a babysitter? Shouldn’t they be out having fun somewhere and not yelling at each other in a hotel room?

Kayla: Kayla and her mom follow the long-standing TM tradition of visiting an attorney to discuss custody. Kayla doesn’t seem to look her mom in the eye the entire time they are sitting in the restaurant. Apparently I’m 102 because her attitude just would not fly with me.

Brianna: Brianna is calling Danae for closure. Does she have a hickey on her neck? The conversation starts out as a regular phone call. She slips the world ‘closure’ in and Danae instantly figures out what is going on. They yell. Then Danae rages a bunch more and storms around the apartment. So much for closure. Did either of them even say goodbye? Did Danae say anything to the baby?

Round 3

Lexi: Lexi is in a skin tight cocktail dress for her graduation? Thank goodness for the robe. Lexi graduates as her family and Kyler look on. Things are awkward with Kyler at the reception and she tells him either ‘you need to be richer’ or ‘you need a new shirt’. Seriously I rewatched this 3 times trying to figure out what she said and honestly, I can’t force myself to watch it again. Enunciate, mumbles! Anyway, he says back to her ‘you need a new personality’ so she flicks him off. Lexi apparently wants to be a funeral director. I see that as a rather fitting career aspiration for some reason, so good luck! Kyler says he has to go and throws in ‘I love you,’ with a pause so Lexi says ‘I love you’ to him. As she is saying it he finishes his statement which is ‘I love you, just kidding.’ Honest to goodness, he is just cruel. I can’t with him. Sure Danae, Stephan, and Sean are trainwrecks with varying degrees of substance abuse issues (hey, we all know its there whether they admit to it on the show or not). But Kyler, wow, you are a living embodiment of why people can’t stand teenagers. Lexi is crushed, you can tell although she tries to play it off. We know now that she has come out defending him on social media and not liking the way people have criticized him and his looks. Boy, if I could give you a gift it would be a mirror. Because he needs to take a nice long look and make a lot of adjustments. He is not beautiful or kind where it counts and that is on the inside. If I were her mother there is no way I would allow this to continue, and if I were his mother I would be ashamed at how he behaves and how I raised him.

Jade: Jade is out, waiting for her mom in a restaurant. Her mom is late so she picks a big fight with her. Jade seems really negative and it makes you wonder if there are some post-partum issues going on. Her mom stays really calm though, she just doesn’t engage in the fight and must sense Jade needs her. My real issue is those nails. They are so long. How do you take care of a baby, changing clothes and diapers with such nails?

Ashley: Ashley is going to try to move forward with Bar’s mom. After a night to think about thing she has cooled down and Shen even tries to be nice and smooth things over when they go back to the apartment. Did Ashley say it was ‘water on the bridge’? That’s not how the saying goes, now is it the way bridges work…

Brianna: Brianna talks about the phone call with her sister while grating cheese. Her sister is making quesadillas, which look good and overshadow rehashing the same call we just heard about the same issue that seems to never end. A friend comes to visit Danae and talk about how upset he is about losing the baby.

Everyone seems to be anxious to discuss Teen Mom 2. And who wouldn’t be? If you are watching Young and Pregnant its really because the TMOG and TM2 girls got you here so let’s do a bit of a breakdown. Admittedly, these reunion episodes have been full of drama and yelling, but they are really hard to follow since it is just yelling and moving from hallway to hallway, and dressing room to hair and makeup.

We jump back in to the ‘ratchet fight’ that was taking place at the end of the last episode. Briana only gets sassy when her mom and sister are there to fight her battles. But again, do we expect anything else? They all live together. They seem to all eat (takeout) together. They all raise her kids together. Let’s stop before we get too far and can’t go back…The coven fights Kail, who holds her own against all three of them. I guess having three baby daddies is good practice. Morgan is standing there. What did he do to deserve this?

We cross town with some shots of palm trees and housing developments to Jenelle’s rental house. David pokes his head over the fence ‘Home Improvement’ style and he and producer Kristen joke about this. Little miss K makes a funny when David says Jenelle is mad, she asks ‘who does Jenelle hate today’. Ah yes, some much deserved shade from the producers.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch studio, Briana is ranting. Kail’s friend Bone goes to stand up for Kail. Briana throws some threats down the hallway (screaming into her infant’s ear). Bone calls her on it (it was bound to happen eventually). Security gets involved. Brittany gets involved. There is a lot of yelling and hallway time. Larry goes to talk with Kail in her room, she won’t let Morgan in. Did Morgan run a dog fighting ring in a past life? Is that what he did? If so this is all well deserved.

Leah arrives at the studio. Barb and Nathan hang out and start talking like old war buddies. Brittany apologizes to the crew and endears herself as the likable one of the DeJesus Coven.

Javi saunters in. Briana plays dumb as to how any of this started. They have their own hallway fight. Again we have to wonder what is wrong with her hips. I’m going to look to see if we have any rights as the viewers to not have to see those. Kailyn refuses to fight on camera.

Suddenly we have Jenelle on site, pre-horrific hairstyle. Jace goes to see her and say hi and she asks for Kaiser. Of course when asked about seeing mommy, the little Kaiser Roll does want to see her. Tensions rise as Nathan doesn’t want to give him up. Devoin is also around skulking in hallways and rooms, he’s all fresh from jail. The coven suddenly enjoys seeing and talking with him. Brittany always had a soft spot for Devoin, but the other two have seemed to forget the past 6 years.

Jenelle is generally mad at the world. Based on her hair for this reunion taping, she should be. It does her no favors and all she really was missing was a hat and broomstick. David suddenly becomes irate. He demands that they leave and Janelle basically says ‘alright’ and just goes. No reason needed. As they go to leave either Larry or Morgan flirt with death by standing in front of the vehicle with David at the wheel. Seriously, I can’t remember which is which without the caption and I can’t decide who I feel more sorry for, unless they were co-owners of the past-life dog fighting ring and then they are right where they belong.

Kail and Leah complain for awhile. Briana and Javi take shots. Kail, Leah, and Chelsea band together and complain about their other two castmates. Larry and Morgan start saying novenas hoping for divine intervention, Mandy is on her phone, we assume applying for new jobs.

The reunion is almost over so Jenelle picks a fight with Nathan’s girlfriend. Then Nathan. Then Nathan’s mom. Jenelle calls David when she feels she’s losing. Jenelle yells, before giving way to Nathan and David yelling. Then we get the classic Jenelle and Barbara fight. It seems so familiar. Kailyn freaks out about things being ‘trash’ and not signing up for Jerry Springer. Barb and Nathan have a heart to heart. And we end with Jenelle and David having a cry out in the parking lot.

All in all the hallways of this studio were the winners, they got the most camera time. The producers were the true losers. The hair and makeup staff were the unsung heroes. And we truly hope no dogs were harmed (in this life or any that came before) in the filming of whatever this episode was.

Author: Jeannie

Photos: MTV

Original Article