Real Housewives Of New York Recap: On An Island

Well, the behind the scenes drama of Real Housewives Of New York has damn near exploded since last we saw our fair ladies! After seeing herself called “a drunk” by Bethenny Frankel on camera, Dorinda Medley has taken to her blog and Twitter to fight back. And she’s throwing Luann De Lesseps (who agreed in her blog that last week’s episode was not a good look for Do) under the bus in the process. Looking back now, Dorinda sees the entire drunken dinner scene as a setup. Hmm. Oh, personal accountability…wherefore art thou?

But back in the land of 4-6 months ago, cameras aren’t picking up Dorinda’s wrath. In fact, her trip to Puerto Rico with Bethenny looks more like a bonding experience, especially given the heart to heart they shared in the plane on the way over. Back in Manhattan, the group starts to fracture again when Ramona Singer just can’t help but stir the sh*t between Carole Radziwill and Bethenny. Although Carole isn’t biting yet, she sure seems mad as hell now (in her blogs) about Bethenny’s treatment of her this season. Could it have to do with Adam? Maybe.

Before we get to that mess, we’re taken on a whirlwind tour of PR, where Dorinda, Bethenny, and her team are driving out to devastated areas to hand out cash cards and supplies. The destruction is heartbreaking – even more so knowing that it had been months since the hurricane hit and it looked like it had just happened.

Dorinda is so moved by talking to the people and seeing children everywhere that she breaks down in tears. So does Bethenny when she shares a hug with a grateful woman who says, “God bless you” through tears as she accepts $600 from B-Strong. It’s a moving sequence of scenes, and again – love her or hate her – highlights the important and amazing effects of Bethenny’s charity efforts.

Just as we’re feeling overwhelmed with the suffering of the world, it’s back to the land of vapid women we go! Because Sonja Morgan needs to complain about her VERY TOUGH LIFE to Ramona…in the back of a limo. Ramona thought that offering Sonja a limo ride would butter her up, but Sonja is still hopping mad about Tweedle Dumb not having her back when Dorinda was ripping her several new a$$holes in the Hamptons.

Then, because Bravo has a twisted sense of humor, we witness Sonja and Ramona shopping for furs. What highlights the Ab-Fab delusion of this pair more than scenes of suffering hurricane victims cut next to Ramona and Sonja trying on dead animals? It’s almost poetic. But not at all.

Across town, Luann is meeting with Ben Rimalower, writer, and director of her #CountessAndFriends cabaret show. They’re thrilled to throw this crazy act together, especially with Lu’s LONG and ESTABLISHED music career. (lol!) Ben has been wanting Luann to do cabaret for years, and now she’s putty in his hands. Luann is ready to leave the past behind her – no more marrying idiots and falling in Mexican bushes for her! What she doesn’t know is that another disastrous fall is headed her way soon. As she croons Happy Birthday to Ben in her best Tony Bennet baritone, Ben smiles and looks forward to the epic circus sideshow to come.

At dinner later, all hell breaks loose when Bethenny decides to fight Sonja’s battles for her. Against who? Sonja’s former Handmaid, Tinsley Mortimer. (Can we start calling Tins “OfSonja” yet? Pleeeeeeease?) Bethenny tries to translate Sonja-to-English for everyone at the table, explaining that Sonja harbors hurt feelings over Tinsley “using” her when she was at the bottom, but casting her aside for HER friend group now that she’s on her way to the top again. Tinsley immediately barks back that Sonja needs to STFU about her relationship with Scott and where her money comes from – that’s the real issue for her.

When Carole tries to calm Tinsley down, the deeper issue rises to the surface: Bethenny’s hurt feelings about Carole ditching her for Tinsley. Bethenny tells Carole that she always defends the person sitting next to her – metaphorically speaking. It used to be Beth, but now it’s Tins. Essentially, Bethenny has been replaced by a former “It Girl” who doesn’t know how to vote or rent an apartment, which is kind of baffling. Carole is shocked at Bethenny’s outburst. “Get off my jock!” she bites back, wondering where all of this venom is coming from. Wasn’t this fight supposed to be between Sonja and Tinsley? At least Ramona and Luann aren’t involved, much to their delight. They clink glasses to celebrate not being screamed at in public for once.

Sometime later, Carole is visiting Cosmo to talk freelance writing with Editor In Chief, Michele. Carole will be writing a short piece for Cosmo online, and she’s got a few #MeToo stories to share – including a director asking her to rub his nipples for thirty seconds. <dry heave> Michele is glad to hear Carole wants to head in a different direction with her pieces though – maybe self-esteem? With no nipple rubbing?

Dorinda and Bethenny meet for coffee to debrief on PR and catch up on the dinner Dorinda missed. After explaining her take on the Tinsley/Sonja beef, Bethenny divulges how upset Carole became with her. She wonders if a cringe-worthy situation with Adam has something to do with Carole distancing herself lately? Apparently, Bethenny asked Adam to come to PR as a photographer, but he wanted money for it. No one on the mission trips is being paid, so they weren’t about to pay him for “volunteer” services either.

“It just rubbed me the wrong way,” admits Bethenny, who imagines that Carole might be harboring some resentment over the issue. Dorinda agrees that there’s something fishy going on here. Plus, she Carole has more in common with Tinsley anyway. They’re kidless and flush with money…without much of a (current) career to speak of.

Time to visit Sonja’s townhouse of crusted canine feces and rancid water systems! Sonja has conscripted Ramona and Luann to help her “touch up” some chairs in the garden with paint. So, we are to believe that Sonja is ready to go all Trading Spaces on us, yet refuses to clean up dog poo because that’s the “housekeeper’s job?” Okay…

When the ladies zip up their head to toe painter’s suits, Ramona snarks that Luann’s fits her perfectly “because you’re Lu-MAN!”Hmmph. The Countess does NOT like being teased thusly! But – hey – she’s wearing a f**king hazmat suit in Sonja’s grey garden, so she’s pretty much hit bottom at this point anyway.

As they paint right over the bird sh*t on Sonja’s garden chairs, Luann sides with Sonja in the Tinsley situation. More gratitude could have been shown for being allowed to sleep amongst Sonja’s raccoon-sized dust bunnies and consume Sonja’s brown ice. Ramona doesn’t weigh in much; she’s more focused on how Carole held her own against Bethenny at dinner, and how (in her addled memory) Beth called Carole a puppet.

Cue Carole’s party! Wait – what the hell party is this? Okay, it’s a book party for Duff, a friend of Carole’s who we haven’t seen since the ’90s. More importantly, it is this scene in which Ramona will do her best work: Recruiting new soldiers in the lifetime fight against Bethenny. Her first move is swift. While Dorinda breaks glasses by the bar, Ramona slyly asks Carole why Bethenny called her a puppet?

Carole’s like…um, when did she say that? She doesn’t remember those words coming out of Bethenny’s mouth at all. But Ramona stands by her brain’s recollection, which surely has not been destroyed by a steady IV of Pinot Grigio over the past 4 decades.

When Bethenny arrives, Carole asks her flat out: “Did you say I’m a puppet?” Bethenny looks shocked for a moment, then says no, not exactly. She insinuated it, sure. But the actual word “puppet?” No. When Bethenny confronts Ramona later about telling her little tales, Ramona just plays dumb. “Oh, okay. I guess I heard wrong,” she shrugs. Even MAVENS of the Hamptons make mistakes, people!

But who cares about the Hamptons when the BERKSHIRES trip is coming up! Aaaaaaiiiiieeeeee!!! Greatness awaits. Dorinda plans on throwing a murder mystery party at her Berkshires home, complete with full characters and costumes for everyone. Will Ramona play the mafia rat? Luann will, of course, be playing herself. “Murder in the Berkshires?” muses the Countess, “I wouldn’t be surprised.” She is, after all, the actual survivor of a character assassination that went down there two years ago.

After the ladies laugh about their upcoming festivities, Tinsley takes Sonja aside to make amends. She is grateful for what Sonja did for her, and she does want to be cordial. Sonja accepts her apology and agrees to move on. Meanwhile, it’s hard for Luann to move on because she’s been hearing gross rumors about gross Tom. The latest: He’s planning to throw a New Year’s Eve party on the same boat he and Lu had their engagement party on in Palm Beach, and is running all over Manhattan with his new “tramp,” according to Dorinda.

Luann seems to know this information, but it stings hearing it again seems to make her visibly wince. At least Dorinda allegedly let Tom have it when she saw his trifling a$$ out in public. YES! Note to Tom: Don’t mess with Slurinda. And please stop going to the Regency.

TELL US: WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON WITH BETHENNY AND CAROLE? CAN SONJA AND TINSLEY MOVE ON NOW? IS LUANN READY TO SNAP OVER THIS NEWS ABOUT TOM?

Photo Credit: Bravo

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